How exactly to Have Lesbian Sex The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How do you have lesbian intercourse? We become asked this concern everyday from lesbians of all ages who haven’t had lesbian sex consequently they are stressed they don’t know “how.” Well, tune in: taking pleasure in gender isn’t about memorizing 16 jobs or understanding the most readily useful angle to shag from, enjoying lesbian sex is half-animal half-heart and simply seldom has it had gotten almost anything to carry out with your logical brain, or cognitive thought, or everything one could tell you or anything you could read on the world wide web.

Although it’s correct that someday you’ll be well informed and experienced than you are now, it is also correct that yourself came into this world understanding how getting sex want it was born focusing on how to consume. Very first time does not have are a problem, many of us never actually bear in mind all of our basic instances. Alternately, if you’d like that it is a problem, it may be. But finally every lover is significantly diffent — completely, totally, totally various — through the after that.
Just what could we tell you, really

But — in addition, most of us remember a period when lesbian gender decided fumbling, or improv, trying to play a hobby we didn’t realize, like badminton. Or an activity everyone else believed we should be effective in but we weren’t. Meanwhile, other people recall moving into bed and instinctually being aware what to do from the moment of entry. A lot of us had gender with men inside our teenagers and don’t bang a girl ’til the mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies all over again. So we can understand how you might feel slightly better-knowing a little before taking the leap.

Ladies’ sexuality, not to mention queer sexuality, is normally dismissed by gender ed programs. Even though lots of heteros learn about gender with each other inside their early teens, a lot of lesbians don’t start that very early and/or are not peer socialized into the intimate market like straights tend to be, and undoubtedly that our entire media society is organized around and enthusiastic about heterosexual gender.

So we’re gonna return to fundamentals. However, once we write this article, the audience is slightly concerned that individuals do not have drilling concept what we’re speaking about. Develop to start a dialogue for

commenters to share with you their particular stories and encounters as well as for everybody to inquire about concerns!


This article (originally written in 2010 and largely unaltered from that time) focuses on lesbian sex between cisgender ladies, although can mainly relevant to intercourse between any two people with vulvas, and high in great advice about anyone making love with anyone who has a vulva. The vocabulary in this post, unlike nearly all all of our gender content material, reflects that mostly for SEO functions. However, trans ladies are women and the majority of undoubtedly have actually lesbian intercourse, and read a number of our very own lots of strategies for that within these posts:
Simple Tips To Have Lesbian Gender With A Trans Woman
F*cking Trans Women
Harnesses for Trans Ladies

Pre-Game Your Lesbian Sex


For those who have a vulva therefore want to know how to make a person with a vulva feel great, you’ve got the benefit of making use of yourself for a test topic — not that exactly what pleases you’ll kindly your partner, but it is a-start. Most likely your showerhead being conscious of this since youth, but if you are a new comer to genital stimulation or a new comer to orgasming, here’s
simple tips to masturbate like a champ.
While you’re at it,
listed here is how exactly to purchase a vibrator

Becoming a seasoned masturbator will help you to be a fruitful enthusiast above all else you can previously perform, ever before. You won’t just learn how your lover can kindly you, however you will involve some thought of tips kindly all of them.


Touching your self together with your jeans and undies on (you can unzip your own jeans, but do not draw all of them down) might-be excellent exercise for the date to

Twilight Complete Eclipse With The Sunlight



When you’re turned on, you will feel hot or flushed. Your own nipples can get erect, your clitoris and vulva will swell due to improved circulation. Within your body, the top of the snatch will broaden.

In Addition:

Check-out your own insides. The exterior of everybody’s vulva is actually a whole new region, nevertheless the insides tend to be sensibly just like each other, so it’s a good sneak preview when you have one.


If you’ve got one, have a look at your vadge when you look at the mirror. I understand you’re read this and consider “OH the GOD I MIGHT NEVER” rather than take action. Overcome yourself. Put
a drilling mirror
in the middle of your feet and check out the shit!

Understand Your Vaginal Condition, When You Have One

Very first situations initially: people usually utilize the term “vagina” when writing on the female genital region, that actually isn’t proper. The proper term for the outside vaginal area is actually “vulva.” The snatch is actually inside of you, hooking up the vulva to the cervix. Here Is
a good article from teenage Vogue that enters every detail about anatomy

Now you’re seated right here together with your mirror, let us look at the physiology of a cisgender female’s vulva.


Your own clit comprises of the glans/head (many sensitive spend the 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the hood (which drapes across the glans) additionally the shaft (that will be on average 1.9 cm in length). Some clits tend to be bigger than other people, and nearly all women can orgasm from clitoral pleasure.

Labia Majora:

All of them be your “pussy lip area.” After That,
the labia minora
are asymmetrical delicate folds of softy spongy erecticle muscle within labia majora. Some labia minoras extend through the majoras several tend to be tucked away in. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras may be the beginning the place you’ll notice that
all women’s pussy looks different than another’s


: Your genital access is actually below your clit and urethral orifice (aka where the urine happens). Vaginal muscle is actually flexible, you might have heard that infants emerge from it and fists can go engrossed. A lot of the neurological endings come in the outside 3rd with the snatch (in other words: don’t worry about having tiny hands, it’s nbd).

many vulvas presented inside snatch art by jamie mccatney


Place a thumb inside pussy. Today generate a “come hither” movement towards forward wall structure of your pussy. Would you feel that area with a texture unlike the rest’s surface? It really is a sponge concerning size of a bean that fills with bloodstream during arousal, straight in front of your womb. Some ladies look for g-spot pleasure as well rigorous, some hate it, some enjoy it, some can orgasm from it, many can female ejaculate from this.



The flat place involving the pudendal cleft in addition to anus. Some females find this area sexually delicate. Slangily described as “the taint” ’cause it isn’t the genitals therefore is not the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Intercourse


You are able to do literally anything you wish along with your locks, although eliminating it totally
makes you susceptible to attacks
also it can end up being very itchy! Listed Here Is
some statistics in your hair reduction practices

Tips in case you are gonna remove some hair:

  • If you have the money and time, laser treatment is the best way to get rid of hair in that location your long-lasting. It’s typically mentioned that hair laser removal works better on lighter skin colors, but
    fortunately that will be switching
  • For most of us, waxing will be the best/cheapest method to “clean up” without ingrowns. Based your skin layer tone and awareness, waxing risk turning the skin an attractive color of crimson for every single day, thus itinerary correctly. We strongly recommend getting it accomplished by an expert, in case you wanna Do-it-yourself, Sally Hansen’s are
    low priced and simple for beginners
    therefore is this system from
  • If you are shaving, you might get angry severe razor burn which sometimes looks like lots of red-colored lumps all around your area.
    Bikini Zone will allow you to with this
  • Any time you shave a day or two before setting up, whoever decreases you will feel they might be sticking their own face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Make sure that your nails tend to be since brief as it can and smoothly filed. If you do have lengthy fingernails or acrylics,
listed here is ideas on how to make love properly without sacrificing them
. Keeping your hands mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Get involved in it extra-safe by using some handy
latex or nitrile gloves


All of you, the pussy smells perfect exactly the way it really is! Do not douche or perhaps try to infuse the vagina with industries of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger scent for those who haven’t showered or have received actually sweaty, that is certainly okay. (Sidenote: the lingering smell of the lady on your own disposal = magic). However, in case the vagina smells therefore pungently fishy your companion can smell it inside pants from across the room,
it’s likely you have BV
and should
go see a gynecologist

Doing The Lesbian Gender

To tell the truth, we kinda wouldn’t like you to look at this. We want that need to find it for your self, like we did! All of you, it’s thus fun and you also will end up being nude or half-naked with another woman! Right?! Intercourse is the greatest when you stop thinking and allow yourself consider available!

There are about 1,000 intercourse ideas we can easily provide you with for the remainder of your sex life, but nowadays we are gonna stay extremely



vanilla extract



Simply ’cause you are both girls does not mean exactly what feels good for your requirements will feel well to this lady. The two of you can show what exactly is working and what’sn’t through terms, noises, or bodily response. Don’t be embarrassed to inquire of questions or volunteer what you like. It is like Hot/Cold game, but nude plus slick! Stating “what do you ever like” is wholly something we do. Very is actually laughing.
We advice lots of laughing

Lesbian Gender Foreplay

There are a great number of situations going on in the body region for of you to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and playing with those areas of the body is actually fun AND a great way to get lubed right up before any kind of drive vaginal get in touch with takes place (if that’s what you need). People can orgasm from pleasure of other body parts form vadge, as well. (whether it’s your own or your spouse’s first-time being penetrated, you shouldn’t buy the
jackhammer shag within five minutes of your very first tongue kiss, simplicity into that shit!)

Hands-on Clitoral Stimulation

This is a good place to begin. Rather self-explanatory. Once again, many people will require your hand to be a dildo plus some is only going to desire to be moved with severe delicacy. Know by asking!

Oral sex is so amazing
which nearly feels as though cheating. Like had been mouths designed to get there, or perhaps is that some thing humanity figured out on its own? Per constantly, err privately of painful and sensitive. This can be “teasing” or “how she loves it,” depending on the lady. This may be also combined with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we are beginning straightforward today, thus, once again, have fun. Occasionally when you yourself have human body picture issues, becoming consumed on can make you feel truly revealed. Very shut your own eyes, things are ok. Also keep in mind to
exercise better gender with dental dams


While in question, start slow/soft/delicate and construct to as fast/hard as she wishes it. Make sure she’s moist before trying penetration —
lube is a great method to do this
. Subsequently:

+ focus on the list hand in only a bit, and then right in after which bring in a second fist if she wishes. (subsequently a third if she desires, etc etc) cannot get too quickly, give the woman time to reply.

+ focus on in which the different fingers tend to be! If you’ve got your own index/middle hands inside this lady, is your thumbnail looking into her interior thigh? Check your shit.

+ Some women don’t want to be penetrated for a variety of reasons, such as distress, sex identification or sex expression,
and/or an inclination for a particular intimate role
(like in “we bang you, that you don’t screw me personally.”) In the event that’s you and your partner gets because region, politely move her hand and inform the lady in which you perform want to be moved (or you’d somewhat reach her).


Today, keeping your hand down the woman pants or over the woman channel could be the first impulse, or even it is everything’ve seen on

The L Keyword

, but that is just one of a lot magical techniques local girls fucking some other women. You will discover 365 strategies to essentially dry hump (you


keep the underwear on because of this, it could be much easier, but kindly carry out leave your own shirt, for the reason that it’s more enjoyable). You can essentially wipe on any element of the woman body or scrub vadge-to-vadge pretty much throughout everything.

More Resources For Great Lesbian Gender:

The More You Understand

  • DO NOT DONT compare areas of the body

    . Comments are superb! But forgo the urge to add an evaluation of your parts onto your accompany relating to her parts. ‘Your [part] is indeed far more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you’re coping with non-gender-conforming people this may be’s far better ask before connecting what is actually fine and what isn’t. Same for coping with sex complying folks!
  • You’ve got the right feeling as well as comfortable, meaning that
    is key and so is
    much safer sex
    — please get a check-up and speak to your lover about any STIs you or she might have before leaping into bed.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you aren’t “BEHIND.” Due to the patriarchy, it will elevates about 15 mere seconds discover information about the average get older from which heterosexual gents and ladies drop their V-Cards (16-17), but no such investigation is out there for lesbians as far as we are able to inform. So we’ve done a casual survey of Team Autostraddle, which will be a poor trial population because all of us are under 35 and obviously “out” sufficient to be


    Group Autostraddle thus, we imagine, most likely a lot more intimately knowledgeable than the typical lesbian bear. Regardless, by age and 12 months of “virginity loss”:

Among our completely non-representative trial measurements of queer women, the average get older for “our first time” is 19.4.

Relevant Databases

Parts of the body that could be erogenous otherwise no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ neck

+ erect nipples

+ internal thighs

+ feet

+ fingers

+ butt

+ small from the straight back

Many people Would several Individuals You Shouldn’t:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ orgasm from penetration

+ climax

+ incorporate sex toys into gender

+ enjoy g-spot pleasure

+ call for handbook clitorial stimulation to orgasm

+ prefer clitorial pleasure AND vaginal entrance to climax

+ take pleasure in anal entrance or
butt plugs
ingesting butt

+ utilize

+ climax whatsoever

+ determine as

+ fantasize during intercourse

+ recognize as either a ”
” or a ”

+ recognize as either “butch” or “femme”

+ want to be naked while having sex

+ wish the lighting on while having sex

+ think its great rough

have actually an STI

+ wanna

Items That Could Happen Very First Time And Include Totally Good:

and virtually sopping all your sleep (it’s not urine, we guarantee) (also, it really is amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ Accidentally cutting/lacerating the vagina (
this happens to old experts, as well
) (

+ perhaps not orgasming

+ not-being

Getting injured

+ Tensing up while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast-based infections

+ getting 30+ moments to climax

+ your own arm getting exhausted

+ Sobbing

+ Laughing

+ Emotions

+ No feelings

+ Not experiencing just like the entire world changed

+ Feeling just like the entire world altered

+ Feeling as you’re on a new amount of intimacy together with your lover

+ maybe not enjoying it

Try not to end up being also goal-oriented. Many people do not arrive initially — many people don’t arrive on a regular basis while having sex after all! If neither people perform, there’s going to be a moment when you feel just like you are done anyway, like encounter is over, hence might feel odd, but it is maybe not unusual, it happens. Stop once you’d prevent any literally tiring task — as soon as you you shouldn’t feel it anymore. Simply make fun of and perhaps remain naked and kiss and chat. Cuddle! Lesbians love to cuddle. Or ask the lady to demonstrate you the way she gets by herself down and vice versa — shared genital stimulation is a great backup policy for when you both like to appear but cannot appear to have it this time. And yes it’s hot to watch to see just what she really does to herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Sex Bible

A lot more methods and advice about lesbian, bisexual and queer women that approaches the topic with laughter and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Globe

: The cover of the book is so weird and 90s, you could install it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s really — it is simply FUN. It is awesome sex-positive and warrants to be a cult classic from the lesbian book globe beginning now.


The entire Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us

, by Felice Newman: The regular. Buy it, find out it, stay it, think it’s great.


Lesbian Gender: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: we guess you never know anything regarding the Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, lady Wrap or Velvet line, do ya? You could change that.


Moving away from: A Lady’s Self-help Guide To Masturbation

: From gender writer and masturbation expert Jayme Waxman.


Our anatomical bodies, Ourselves: Another Edition for a brand new Era

: call your womynhood.


The latest Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS regarding their sex schedules, comes with the effect of reminding you that there surely is plenty of lesbians on the market making love and it is not only both you and your partner(s) in your teeny tiny village by the water.


Treatment Intercourse: A Mind-Body Method To Treatment Sexual Shock

: “the very first encouraging, sex-positive manual regarding women survivors of sexual attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and single — who would like to reclaim their intercourse physical lives.”

Web Pages:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are a couple of intergenerational sex positive feminists whose discussion on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving to the Politics of Women’s sex.” Includes
a library of “how-to” video clips
for various sexual functions, including “first-time lesbian intercourse.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“Everything you actually ever wanted to {know about|learn about|find out about|un